HAPPENSTANCE: Flat tire.

WWCD? Compose 5,000 word memorandum to tire co., inquiring just with whom it is they imagine they are fucking. Demand tire be replaced by a senior executive instanter if litigation is to be avoided. Mutton lunch, nap.

* * *

HAPPENSTANCE: Noisy neighbour.

WWCD? Write scathing, densely referenced review of neighbour’s book.

* * *

HAPPENSTANCE: Restaurant music too loud.

WWCD? Instruct managing editors to undertake massive campaign of ridicule of the performing arts. Demand Canada Council be dismantled. Refer to Yehudi Menuhin as an ‘ignominious poltroon’ and Glenn Gould as ‘a stentorian clatterer.’

* * *

HAPPENSTANCE: Cheating spouse.

WWCD? Get kind of turned on.