Nov 25

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INDEX

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Number of cars owned: 3

Percentage of those that were not Swedish: 0

Longest time spent avoiding cleaning kitchen, in months: 4

Estimated number of cigarettes consumed: 100,000

Number of sexual partners: 37

Number of those remembered as “regrettable”: 9

Times in love: 7

Times in Iowa: 1

Number of hours after being dumped, in 1989, that an attempt was made at amiable phone chit-chat with girlfriend’s friends, while extremely drunk: 4

Years sentient: 34.5

Years wasted: 6

Chances, since becoming self employed, of ending a day satisfied that everything is done: 1 in 300

Number of lectures and presentations delivered feeling “fully prepared”: 0

Odds that a project, once started, will be abandoned: four in five

Total number of fistfights: 7

Times mugged at knifepoint: 1

Number of letters received that begin “Without Prejudice”: 2

Ratio of parking tickets received to those paid: 342:1

Instances of crying since 1990: 3

Rank of “Time After Time” by Cindi Lauper, “Like a Prayer” by Madonna, and “Evenflow” by Pearl Jam among secretly liked songs: 1,2,3

Instances of standing up in a cinema shouting “Go, damn you! Go!” during an action-advenure film: 1

Photographs of self that have not seemed repulsive: 2